Degenerate Art

I'm feeling a bit better, I've been to the doctors and got some medication. He was a bit of a twat, condescending and egotistical (or ego-testical). Next week will be my birthday and I'll be 31 going on 100. If I can get my shit together it might be a happy one. I like my shrink, she's ok. Thinks I'd be better if I had a relationship. I think she maybe right, it is about time, but I don't think the love of my life is in DC. Maybe Guatemala. If I lose some weight and get my mind under control maybe I can find a love muse to my degenerate art, but nothing is ever guaranteed.

I got some air today

I still feel depressed. I want to go do something but my motivation level is low. I wish I could find a doctor. I need help asap. Don't feel like getting drunk today. I probably will. I need to finish my work. I'm dying. It's ok, I may not be missed anyway. I'm a whiny bastard. May I just need to get my ass kicked. I hope it doesn't rain.

Today's a bad day

I'm not feeling to well today. I'm tired and I know it's a scorcher outside. I made an appointment to see my Doctor for my high blood pressure, because if I don't I'll probably explode. My head hurts, and i feel a bit paranoid. My neck is also killing me. I keep running these negative thoughts produced by my mother in my head back and forth. I gotta let her go. She's killing me. I gotta go get a cord for my small laptop since the old one finally bit the dust. I'm dreading the sweaty walk. They sure make it hard to find doctors in this city. I end up calling around like a madman. I finally got an appointment Wednesday. I'm not gonna miss it for no fucking body. I'm so agitated. My body is finally on the fritz.

1 more thing

Walking on my way to the laundromat:

Sure I could wear whatever the fuck I like.

I could walk like I don't care.

I could stare into space.

I could laugh at the obsurd.

I could hang with who I please.

I could drink what I want.

I could do any drugs I feel like.

I could fuck whoever I wanted.

I could draw on walls.

I could draw on monuments.

I could not take anyones shit.

I mean, what kind of hypocrite would I be if I didn't.

Back

Ok.I'm an asshole. I haven't been back to this blog in God knows when. But, I believe in staying positive and ignoring the negative, or as my therapist says, "embrace change".I'm still dealing with my alcohol addiction and DXM use. (I would have marijuana on top of that if I could find any) I'm not bitter, I've talked to my doctors and I have high blood pressure along with anxiety,depression and hyperhidrosis, then some olfactory problems but i think that's going away.Otherwise i'm feeling pretty good and staying productive. I'll be 31 next month and that's getting me a little worried. I hate birthdays, haven't had a good one since i was a teenager. My art isn't suffering despite me missing personal deadlines, i have some personal time today so I think I'll be good. I think I should have never pushed myself to the limit. I should never stopped the medication I was on. Now, I hardly have energy, and I want to do things and I can't (embarassing sweat sessions).I just have to get back on it, enjoy the summer exercise and keep moving. No more suffering. No more feelings of defeat.

Future Comic cover rough draft

7 Foot Stripper

Ahh to reminisce!

The Mind Wonders

I don't know about you kids, but you really have to sit down and think about being a cartoonist if you want to become one. Not a goddamn thing goes right when you self-publish. I'll get back to the do-it-yourself idea later, but for now i want to focus on the routine. You have to draw the damn thing, letter it, and deal with printing and distribution. If you're a self masochistic individual like myself, you'll force yourself into this predicament almost automatically. When i was a kid me and my older bro use to do this shit for fun, pretend like we had our own comic company. Now as an adult, who is almost forced into this lifestyle, I see the darkness more than the glory. Now, back to do-it-yourself. You almost have to do it yourself, no body is gonna give a shit about your little comic book dream but you, and if they say they do they're lying. You gotta make it happen, so if you're part of a group thing or team, expect to be on your own sometime later especially if you're young. Then again if you don't want the hassle of doing everything you can hire someone, but if you're trying to break into comics my guess is you don't have much money to begin with. By any means never give up, but do expect the hell that's in store if you don't.

Some Lessons

I haven't posted on this blog in a while so i think now is the time for me to use this blog for its true intention. I would like to educate people in the event that maybe I will become an important figure in alternative art and other media.Perhaps this blog will float around in cyber space long enough for someone to get something out of this. So for all you kids out there who grew up in the suburbs a loner, backpacking comic book reading nerd, with a love of underground rock and hip hop and alternative art, this is for you.

Just To Let You Know

People love to hate. This world exists on hate. Expect people to hate on whatever you're doing especially if it's positive.(It should be positive, in the vein of not hurting anyone else).It's not even a logical hate most of the time either, it's a retarded,close minded, obnoxious hate that will allow them to feel good about themselves and make you feel like shit.

They're trying to transfer their negative energy on you. They need it to go somewhere, so unfortunately you're the unlucky victim. Stay away from people like that. They're confused. They're child-like. They don't know how to deal with the issues affecting themselves so they try to transfer it on to someone else.

If you're going to accomplish your goals you first have to understand yourself. Sure any fool can be famous or a millionaire. A chick can show her body or shake her ass all night and make a stack of cash.But, it takes a real blessed soul to be able to control it. Meaning, to wake up and feel accomplished. To know that they have full control of their life no matter what happens.You have to learn to ignore things even though it's hard.Learn to know yourself, and the true power you have will be shown. Yea man!

If you don't get anything out this blog