Saturday, May 28, 2011

I got some air today

I still feel depressed. I want to go do something but my motivation level is low. I wish I could find a doctor. I need help asap. Don't feel like getting drunk today. I probably will. I need to finish my work. I'm dying. It's ok, I may not be missed anyway. I'm a whiny bastard. May I just need to get my ass kicked. I hope it doesn't rain.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Today's a bad day

I'm not feeling to well today. I'm tired and I know it's a scorcher outside. I made an appointment to see my Doctor for my high blood pressure, because if I don't I'll probably explode. My head hurts, and i feel a bit paranoid. My neck is also killing me. I keep running these negative thoughts produced by my mother in my head back and forth. I gotta let her go. She's killing me. I gotta go get a cord for my small laptop since the old one finally bit the dust. I'm dreading the sweaty walk. They sure make it hard to find doctors in this city. I end up calling around like a madman. I finally got an appointment Wednesday. I'm not gonna miss it for no fucking body. I'm so agitated. My body is finally on the fritz.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

1 more thing

Walking on my way to the laundromat:

Sure I could wear whatever the fuck I like.

I could walk like I don't care.

I could stare into space.

I could laugh at the obsurd.

I could hang with who I please.

I could drink what I want.

I could do any drugs I feel like.

I could fuck whoever I wanted.

I could draw on walls.

I could draw on monuments.

I could not take anyones shit.

I mean, what kind of hypocrite would I be if I didn't.


Ok.I'm an asshole. I haven't been back to this blog in God knows when. But, I believe in staying positive and ignoring the negative, or as my therapist says, "embrace change".I'm still dealing with my alcohol addiction and DXM use. (I would have marijuana on top of that if I could find any) I'm not bitter, I've talked to my doctors and I have high blood pressure along with anxiety,depression and hyperhidrosis, then some olfactory problems but i think that's going away.Otherwise i'm feeling pretty good and staying productive. I'll be 31 next month and that's getting me a little worried. I hate birthdays, haven't had a good one since i was a teenager. My art isn't suffering despite me missing personal deadlines, i have some personal time today so I think I'll be good. I think I should have never pushed myself to the limit. I should never stopped the medication I was on. Now, I hardly have energy, and I want to do things and I can't (embarassing sweat sessions).I just have to get back on it, enjoy the summer exercise and keep moving. No more suffering. No more feelings of defeat.