Sunday, April 10, 2005

Live and learn

This is the first entry in a record I'm keeping called the JTW Papers.

Maybe nobody will read this tapestry of slang and slapped together broken monologues, but whatever, I can do what the fuck I want.

The thing is, everybody needs an ear to hear you, or in this case an eye. Theres that drive for attention, a mere moment for someone to know what another person is thinking or doing, and how they cope. For it to be archived in time. The internet is that time capsule, and this is my contribution.

You see, I'm kinda stuck between failing in what I want to do and losing myself in the process of seeking success. At the time now I'm but a simple wannabe cartoonist who has put out 3 obscure comics, struggling to build 4 phat ass websites, and at the same time trying to keep my sanity in an 8:30 - 5:00 job, in which I must undertake to pay the bills and feed my face.

Its alot that it boils down to, but the shred of dignity that is wasted traveling up and down an escalator of the D.C. metro station and cramming into a metro "cattle car" with the other suits adds on to the pile.

The one thing that motivates me is that drive for success.

I'm not a fast talker, hell, I get kinda shy around a crowd. I may get talkative after a few brews or maybe a puff off the dragon but I'm still not really a sales man. So I do my sales Guerilla style. Putting up posters, free comics, stickers, anything I can to get peoples attention to my work. This adds more on to the pile.

Such a bitter struggle.

Its hard when your not a business minded person. I'm mostly just a dreamer. My mom was a good writer when she was in school, she also drew alot and painted a little. Guess I took on the torch. Ever since i was a kid I'd draw fake comic books, me and my brother would, of t.v. characters and are own ones. It was on notebook paper but the neighborhood kids loved it. As i got older I use to draw in notebooks. My own superheroes. After a while I got twisted with the hero shit. Wholesomeness lost its appeal after puberty. The sex and violence sucked in and that was about the same time Image comics were popular. I was in a whole new ball park. Bout that same time I was working volunteering in the Hyattsville Library when i came across an old set of underground newspaper reels. HOLY SHIT, I mean HOLLLYYY SHIIIT!!!

R crumb, Spain Rodriguez, S Clay Wilson, Art Spigelman, Justin Green, Vaughn Bode, Rory Hayes, jammin and bustin' up with they're strips not giving a fuck!

At first i was turned on cuz it was smutty and vulgar, but the true history behind it made my heart sing about how cool the 60's underground comic movement was.

The comradery and the anguish and blood sweat and tears they put, into they're own creations. Fuck mainstream. I learned to push aside what I thought I knew, and take up I needed to know and do. I needed fuck everyone and be myself. Stop drawing whats mainstream and money, and have fun with it.

But still I want to succeed.

I want a new movement to come back. I want that comradery in comics again. I'll try and build it beginning with D.C. Its not gonna be easy, no fucking way.

But I still gotta live and learn.